Chasing Ghosts

This portion originally appeared in a myspace post in 2006.

Sometimes when I drive at night I can see ghosts outside my car. Not real ghosts. More like white masses with a certain degree of opacity able to keep pace with me. I realize fully that they probably aren’t ghosts. They could be some weird combination of lights on the road and water and dust in the air. They could be any number of things that I cannot fathom. I never really had that much interest in pursuing the matter any further. It’s just something I notice when I drive. A momentary distraction. Perhaps one day I’ll try to catch one. Maybe I won’t survive. Maybe I’ll join them if they are in fact ghosts. Maybe. Probably not. I’ve never really had any strong inclination to find out. Much like my belief in God. I believe that there probably is a creator. But I do not know his name, his gender or the language that he speaks. I always am quick to point out that it is foolish to believe in God unquestionably without researching it yourself. But is this any better than believing in God? Questioning him, and not attempting to answer for yourself? Maybe I will try and catch a ghost. Maybe I’ll catch one and ask what it is. Or maybe I’ll keep driving to my destination, wherever that may be.

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I was dating my future wife at the time this was written.  She persistently pushed me to join her in church and for months I denied the invitation.  Eventually I relented and went.

When I was younger I had gone to church as habit or duty or a chore. I never opened my heart. I thought those people were suckers. After attending church with her several times I opened my mind and heart.  I found my ghost and it was a light. My wife led me to a new path. A new destination.  

The shortest distance to get to where you are going is a straight line, but this is not always the best way to get there. Contrary to my previous concerns it is okay to question.  My faith isn't just blind acceptance. It's knowing that I can never know everything, but that's okay. My faith is personal and my path is my own.  

I will always be indebted to my wife for proving to be an excellent navigator. She didn't save my life, she did much better. She saved my soul.  Not just my soul in the afterlife. But my soul here on Earth. I feel much better about myself.  I am happy. I was always content, never happy.  I am no evangelist. It is not in me to cast a net and catch fishes of men.  I am a severe introvert.  Incredibly awkward. 

I am blessed.
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If I had to pick a song to be the soundtrack to this post it would be...